She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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