A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
