when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
