She went from zero to smokin in five shots
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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