My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
