I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i drank out of a bidet.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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