Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my being single is dangerous.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
