Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
