gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize