we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Four minutes until I can fart!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
