Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
