I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
