remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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