If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Pants are for mortals
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
