the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
