saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Boobs speak an international language.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
