this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
