it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
worst night to have a conscience
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
