You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
