ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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