Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize