this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
