i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
