he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
