Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
