Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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