I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
