Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
