Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
