Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
