I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
