Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
