Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
