It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize