Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
