we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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