Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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