I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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