if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
