Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
