I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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