Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
