"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize