His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
