Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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