girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
