he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
