I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
