I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
