You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize