I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
