the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
