I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
