so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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