i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
