She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
