I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
