I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
