my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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