I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
