MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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