I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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