in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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