I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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