Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
