so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
