I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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